Remember when I said last month that fanboys should think twice before testing gamer girls? It’s too bad some people didn’t get the memo or otherwise Aisha Tyler wouldn’t have had to read mofos for filth.
I’ve played since I was a little kid.
Since I begged my dad to buy me a Nintendo LCD Donkey Kong, Jr.
Since I blew through three weeks’ allowance playing Defender at the laundromat.
Since you were a twinge in the left side of your daddy’s underoos.
I’ve been a gamer since I made friends with a girl in the 5th grade just to get at her Atari.
Since I missed the bus playing Galaga after school.
Since I missed the start of Return of the Jedi playing Tempest in the theater lobby.
You think you know. You don’t know.
I’ve been a gamer since before you could read.
Since I aced midterms after staying up all night playing Evil Tetris.
Since I became dorm champ at Leisure Suit Larry.
Since I double-wielded on Time Crisis 3 at Fuddrucker’s.
I was a voice in not one, but two major video game titles.
I hosted the Reach Beta tutorial.
I was a Gears of War superfan panelist at ComicCon.
I hosted the Ubisoft presser at E3 2012.
I didn’t do any of it for the money.
For most I got paid next to nothing, and for some, less than that.
I did it because I love video games.
Because I’ve dreamt since I was a kid of being in one of the games I love.
How many games have you done voices for?
How many cons have you repped at?
Your buddy’s Unreal Tournament garage deathmatch doesn’t count.
I go to E3 each year because I love video games.
Because new titles still get me high.
Because I still love getting swag.
Love wearing my gamer pride on my sleeve.
People ask me what console I play.
Motherfucker, ALL of them.
I get invited to E3 because real gamers know I’m a gamer.
I don’t do it for the money.
I have plenty of money.
I don’t do it for the fame.
I do it because I love video games.
I don’t give out my gamertag because I don’t want a mess of noob jackholes lining up
to assassinate me on XBL.
I don’t give a shit what you think about my gamerscore.
I don’t play to prove a point.
I don’t play to be the best.
I play because I love it.
I’ve been playing my whole life.
I’m not ashamed of it.
I don’t apologize for it.
It’s who I am.
To the core.
I’m a gamer.
So to all the haters out there who claim I don’t play;
To the GAF dicks,
To every illiterate racist douchebag on Youtube:
Flame away. Go nuts.
Post every jackass comment your heart desires.
I’ll still be playing when your mom’s kicked you out of her basement
and you have to sell your old-ass console
and get a real job.
For now, I say to you respectfully,
and I mean this from the bottom of my heart,