Nobody deserves abuse, not even Evil Queens

This post comes with a spoiler alert for next week’s episode and trigger warning for frank talk about domestic violence and intimate partner abuse.

You listen here, ABC’s Once Upon A Time.

Let me make one thing absolutely fucking clear.

If anybody hits Regina, chokes her, tosses her around, or otherwise becomes violent with her while she can’t fight back, and none of the Good Guys step in to stop that shit, you will never hear the end of it from me.

If anybody puts their hands on Regina when she poses no immediate danger to anybody’s safety, and nobody says jack shit about it, you will never hear the end of it from me.

If Regina says something to the effect of deserving that shit, and nobody responds with something to the effect of, “Oh, hell no. Fuck that,” you will never hear the end of it from me.

If Regina is alone, frightened, and in danger, and you act like she’s in the wrong for using magic to defend herself, you will never hear the end of it from me.

So help me God, if Frankendaniel hurts my baby, and y’all don’t say shit about it, I’ma soak everything you love in pure concentrated cat piss.

This is not coming from me as a die hard Evil Regal and Swan Queen shipper. This is coming from me as a woman of color in America. You know what that means? It means that I know good and goddamn well that anybody can treat me any old kind of way, and nobody will say shit about how it’s wrong and fucked up.

I don’t give a fuck how evil she is. I don’t care how much of a bitch she is. Self-righteous fury is no excuse for abuse. Stop manhandling Regina and acting like that shit’s heroic. It’s not. If the only time you step to someone is when they’re powerless or unwilling to stop you, you’re a fucking bully and an abusive asshole. And if you only do that shit when it’s a woman, you’re a misogynist and an abusive asshole.

By the way, don’t think I haven’t noticed that nobody does that shit to Rumplestiltskin, no matter how bad he gets or how fucked up he is. Don’t think that I haven’t noticed that he’s a White man and is thus a person who deserves respect even when he’s out of line while Regina is Latina and therefore has no personhood to respect.

Now that I got that out the way, let’s talk about the preview for “The Doctor” for a minute.

Now you have Daniel of all people going Ike Turner on Regina? Really, show? Really?

And I know in my bones that nobody’s gonna say a damn thing about how you don’t even have to squint to see parallels between this and some straight-up wife-beating shit.

But I know a lot of the brainwashed motherfuckers watching this shit won’t notice how making the victim Regina upsets a lot of people’s assumptions about who inflicts violence and who receives violence when it comes to intimate partner abuse.

Let’s talk about this only in terms of Regina and Daniel being a couple living in Storybrooke.

If someone said that they saw Daniel grabbing, shoving, and choking Regina, you know damn good and well that most people would refuse to believe it. You might even be one of them. And as surely as the sun rises in the east, you’re going to hear shit like this:

  1. Regina’s evil and powerful; no one would dare.
  2. Daniel’s so sweet; he would never.
  3. Regina’s an evil bitch; she must have done something to deserve it.
  4. Something must have gone wrong; it can’t be Daniel’s fault.
  5. Regina’s been through this with Cora; she knows how to avoid abuse.

In case you need it spelled out, what’s fucked up about all that shit is how it says that only certain types of people abuse their partners, and that only certain types of people get abused by their partners. Which is bullshit. If abuse was based on personality or attitude, we wouldn’t have a fucking problem. Of course, it doesn’t help when representations of intimate partner violence pair a shrinking violet (usually a waifish White woman) with a hulking brute (the bigger and Blacker the better).

And this is how shit gets dangerous. It makes us more likely to ignore the flashing neon warning signs because we want to believe that strong people don’t get hurt, that people who’ve done wrong deserve to get hurt, that people who seem kind and friendly couldn’t possibly hurt someone they love, that it’s just the alcohol/drugs that makes someone abuse their loved ones, or that people who’ve been abused by someone close to them will never allow themselves to be abused again.

Then motherfuckers can act all shocked when somebody winds up in the hospital or dead.

Fuck this shit. I’m getting Regina a taser for Christmas.

8 thoughts on “Nobody deserves abuse, not even Evil Queens

  1. When I started to see those images over on Tumblr, I started getting worried, and this just makes me even more worried.

    It’s like now the writers have decided it’s time to bring Regina down low, and that means stuff like being threatened physically and not being able to do much about it. It’s ugly and it squicks the hell out of me, and it’s that much more worse because the show seems to be believing its own hype about Regina being the Evil Queen, and thus she deserves all that’s coming to her, like they’re ignoring what a deep and complex character she is, and how evil is not as simple as people make it out to be.

    So you get her that taser, and I’ll get her a grizzly bear.

  2. ugh I hate hate hate this

    It’s related to something which we see so much in fantasy fiction – the trying to use the fantasy tropes to justify a blatant depiction of abuse. Like it’s ok to abuse Regina because she’s the Evil Queen – no, no no no no no it is not. Stop looking for excuses to present these terrible things “acceptably” and start showing them for the evil things they are – or not at all.

  3. Didn’t Charming threatened or manhandle Regina, before she retaliated with magic? I found it odd that Henry didn’t witness Charming’s actions, but witnessed hers. And in the following episode, Henry exploited her feelings for him in order to deceive her. Yet . . . Charming never said a word.

  4. I really liked this post and i see a lot of this on the show. There is a huge standard and like Drush76 said Charming threatened her but that was overlooked. Or when Henry blamed her for sending Snow and Emma away but it wasn’t really her fault/doing. But I really hope that things will get better as they hopefully will see that they need to show more of the negatives of abuse but just not in a PSA way.

    • I agree. I’m hoping that this show doesn’t think that “more mature” simply means “more sex and violence.”

      I hope that we get to see more nuance and more complexity in the characterizations and relationships this time around.

      But I won’t hold my breath.

      And I definitely feel you on people leaping to blame Regina for shit she didn’t do. Which, of course, means that Frankendaniel was her fault.

      • Yeah me either, I think there’s enough of that on tv,

        Oh i know and I’m excited for more interaction between the cahracters as well as growth that we will see them go through.

        Yeah it really upset me on a second viewing when Henry brought it up. And I’m wondering if he thought that on his on or if Charming had something to do with it as well.

  5. I agree with this 100 million percent. It is quite honestly, inescusable, and unbelievable that the writers continue to do this to Regina because she’s the evil queen, so they reason that she deserves it.

    Yes, get her the tazer. Get her a million tazers, just stupid, idiotic, writers…..

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