Realistic Ever After

Hat tip to Triple J for this Gutters piece:

And over on Muse Rising Sarah Diemer explains why queer kids getting happy endings and “realistic” portrayals are not mutually exclusive: 


The world of Young Adult fiction is a dazzling array of any plot combination you can think of. It’s brilliant and varied, and I love being a part of something that’s constantly changing and growing. There are thousands and thousands of books with picture perfect happy endings, and there are thousands of books that end tragically, and there are thousands of fluff books and books that make you think and books that inspire and books that make you smile and books that tear your heart out, and…really, you want it, you got it in YA, and that world is growing every day.

So, I write lesbian young adult books. That’s what I do, and I love doing it–I’m a lesbian myself, and all I want to do in this life (besides love my wife fiercely and make pretty shit and sparkle. SPARKLING IS IMPORTANT.) is write the lesbian books I didn’t have when I was growing up. I want to write them for an up and coming generation that I believe, with every bit of my heart, will change the world. I’ve talked a lot about why I write what I write–I have lots of reasons.

One reason is that there’s not much gay YA. There are some with queer secondary characters, some gay books, VERY few lesbian books and very few bi books. This is obviously distressing to me as a queer author, and a young adult author, something that I am actively changing by writing queer YA. But it’s not the MOST distressing part.

To me, one of the greatest alarming and disappointing aspects of current gay YA is that they end “realistically.”

What does that mean? “Realistic?” It’s actually not the greatest word choice, but it’s used so often in talking about these books that I’m saying it here. “Realistic,” according to Ye Olde Dictionary means “interested in, concerned with, or based on what is real or practical.”

So, let’s throw out the gay YA that has secondary queer characters. I’m talking, right now, about the gay YA that has MAIN queer characters.

Most gay YA with gay main characters ends with the main character not getting the boy or girl s/he has been thinking about/wanting/in a relationship with. The relationship ends badly. The boy/girl turns out to be straight or “just experimenting” or falls in love with someone else. Things don’t work out.

Let me say that again. Because it needs to be emphasized: Most gay YA with gay main characters ends with the relationship not working out.

These books are lauded, over and over repeated forever, as “realistic.” “The relationship was so realistic!” “The ending was perfectly realistic.” Realistic is used so often in reviews of gay YA that I notice when it’s NOT used.

Almost all gay YA ends with the relationship going south.

It’s alarming and it’s frustrating. But, more to the point, has no one else noticed this? There are shockingly few gay YA, so if you’ve read one, you’ve probably gone on to read many. Was there ever a point where you stepped back and said: Huh. This ends the same as the other ones I’ve read. That’s…odd. I think that the relationship-not-working-out thing is even more obvious, because if you compare it to the amount of straight YA books that contain happy endings, it’s actually one of the saddest things in all of young adult literature. In YA that contains straight romances, thousands and thousands more end happily than those that don’t. But in the world of gay YA, the number of those that end “unhappily,” (ie, “realistically”) is staggeringly larger than those that end happily.


Is it because it’s harder to be gay than straight? Obviously, in a world that’s still alarmingly homophobic, no one’s contesting that. But what about in a book where magic happens? So people can fly and petunias can grow out of your ears, but it’s absolutely impossible for a gay person to get a happily ever after with their sweetheart? I’m going to say it because it needs to be said: THAT MAKES NO SENSE WHATSOEVER AND IS, IN FACT, FULL OF RIDICULOUS.

Is it because the author wanted the novel to be “realistic?” I can’t say what an author may or may not have been thinking when it came to trying to make their novel realistic–obviously, every author wants their novel to be BELIEVABLE, no matter what it contains, but why does “a realistic ending” happen consistently, across the board? (Also, “believable” and “realistic” are not the same thing.) As a gay woman married to the most amazing lady on the face of this planet, I’m living proof that gay people can get their happily ever after, too. Almost all of my gay friends are in unconditionally loving relationships that are every bit as awesome as my straight friends. The argument that “gay people trying to find The One” have it harder than their straight counterparts works SOMETIMES, but NOT EVERY TIME.

Perhaps all of this wouldn’t be so noticeable if there weren’t other relationships in these gay YA novels. Almost every single time, in a gay YA novel where the gay relationship ends “realistically,” the straight relationship ENDS WELL. Again, let me say that one more time: the gay couple breaks up, and the straight couple stays together.

Again: WHY?

And, perhaps more pressingly: what is that saying to the gay kids reading these books?

“Straight people have it easier, will always have it easier.”

“Straight people always find the love of their lives–you won’t, or it will be REALLY fucking difficult.”

“Not only will it be REALLY fucking difficult, IT WILL PROBABLY END BADLY!”

By the way, what the storylines of “gay people not ending up together, straight people totally end up together” are reinforcing are things that are NOT true.

So why do these storylines always end up in gay YA books?

I don’t think that a “realistic” ending is necessarily bad. I love tearjerker books, too, and obviously, there is a place for books with realistic endings in this world. That’s not what I’m pointing out here. I’m pointing out that almost all gay YA follows this pattern, while straight YA books absolutely do NOT.

Obviously, there are many, many, many more straight books than gay YA books, and it could be argued that the different plotlines and endings of straight books are so varied because there ARE so many more than gay YA books. But I don’t think it’s a valid argument. If you took a broad swatch of straight YA books, you would STILL end up with many more “happily ever afters” than “unhappily ever afters.”

If you read five random gay YA books, it could be almost guaranteed that you would get four to five unhappy relationship endings.

To ask “WHY” eighty billion times is purposeless. The books that are already out can’t be changed, I don’t know the authors’ motivations, don’t know what the publishers asked of them…it’s an alarming thing that is consistent across the board, and it’s frustrating, but this is not a purposeless post to simply point out a fact.

As a YA author, I am putting out novels that are believable AND realistic.Because I’m sick and tired of “realistic” meaning “obviously this isn’t going to work out, they’re GAY.” FUCK that realistic. MY realistic means “a gay relationship has just as much of a shot as a straight one.”

If you’re a YA author writing/working on a novel that contains gay characters, I ask that you consider how that relationship ends. Are all of the straight ones awesome with true-love-cartoon-hearts, and the gay relationships end with amicable shaking-of-hands-of-course-it-couldn’t-work-this-is-probably-for-the-best? If so, you might want to rethink this. It’s been done. Often. And people ARE going to start noticing.

If you’re a YA author who has written the “realistic” gay ending book, I’m not pointing fingers. I’m not frustrated at any individual person or book. It takes a fuckload of courage to write and publish a gay YA book, I am not discounting your story, your journey, your struggle one little bit. Your wrote the story that was in your heart to write. I can understand that. And, very obviously, there is room in the world for some gay YA not ending happily. Or yes–even ending “realistically.”

But almost constantly ending “realistically?” That’s been done to death, now. What all of these books, consistently ending the way they do, tell gay kids, stacked one on top of the other? That’s kind of crap.

And it really, really, really needs to change, going forward.


4 thoughts on “Realistic Ever After

  1. Half the time I can’t even find a book with a gay protagonist. A protagonist. And ye gods straight fiolks I wish they’d learn what that means! Why is it when you ask for a straight protagonist they KNOW it means the main character, the one who drives the story, the one the book is actually about? Yet when you ask for a gay protag? Suddenly extra no.345 or secondary side-kick counts as the protagonist! I am so sick of a single token inclusion being held up as the most inclusive book evah!

    And the realism. I am sick of people calling for “realistic” portrayals of GBLT people in Urban Fantasy in general when “realistic” means either “grossly stereotyped” or “hated” or “tragic,” Because a world with freaking dragons and elves and sparkling damn vampires is totally realistic but happy gay folks are just a STEP TOO FAR.

    And we’ve had yet ANOTHER publisher who has demanded the protag be straightened in YA (cue a gazillion shocked gasps from the straight seats)

    And as for realistic relationships? Have they seen these crappy YA romances?! They shouldn’t be living HEA, they should be getting restraining orders! The woman would beat the man to death with her own bouquet before allowing him to get her anywhere near that altar – and the only reason she’d wait that long is to sign up for the life insurance and get a decent sized rock out of the arsehole first!

    yes, I have lots of feeling here

    • Well yeah, and understandably so. After all, how hard is it to write a protagonist who gets a happy ending and is also gay? It should be easy to do so, and without fetishing LGBT people like RJ Scott’s Fire trilogy did.

      Heck, look at DC’s latest PR stunt, where Alan Scott, ripping off Kevin Keller’s taste in fashion, is set up for a happy ending, and then has his husband to be killed off in a really tasteless manner in a train crash, all to give Alan, no doubt, the angst to carry on as a gay, flaming hero.

      (And trust me, that review is coming.)

      Compare it to Kevin Keller, who did get a very good story due to Dan Parent’s excellent writing. Kevin has struggles, yes, and struggles that are unique to being gay, but it wasn’t excessive;y stupid, angsty, or tragic. Hell, it was none of that and still brought me to tears more than a few times, so why the hell can’t others do as well as Archie Comics?

      … fuck, what a day, when Archie Comics actually is doing better at writing diversity than most anyone else.

  2. I will make sure my series will not follow the usual “realistic” pattern that is the problem seen in almost all Gay YA stories. The LGBT characters will have their own storylines that will involve successful loves. The girl will get the girl, and the guy will get the guy.

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