That Internet Wife Of Mine

So recently your truly achieved a milestone here at Ars Marginal in hitting my 100th post. It’s pretty cool to think about because Ars Marginal has truly grown and evolved. So to honor the epic accomplishment I decided to do a one-on-one interview with our fearless leader, my internet wife, RVCBard, who coincidentally is celebrating her 25th birthday (again) this weekend. HAPPY BIRTHDAY BOO!!!!

As the interview will soon prove, there’s a reason why the two of us aren’t allowed to get together without adult supervision and a SWAT Team in place.

N-P: What on Earth inspired you to embark on the unenviable task of creating a space like Ars Marginal?

RVCB: I wanted to be able to hate straight White men without anybody looking at me funny or following me around in the store. Carrying an assault rifle in public was not an option, so I decided to go after the White man’s most sacred ideas: entertainment.

N-P: What did you initially envision for AM?

RVCB: A bunch of my friends and I pointing and laughing at the bullshit the media tries to feed us about the world we live in. Oh, and hating straight White men. Let’s not forget that.

N-P: Nearly 2 years and over 200 posts later, how similar or how different is the AM you envisioned from the one that it’s become?

RVCB: It’s still a bunch of me and my friends pointing and laughing at the bullshit media tries to feed us. But the circle of friends is getting bigger. Lately, though, more of our posts have been all intellectual and shit, and we have fewer assholes coming around trying to start shit.

N-P: Did you ever imagine that it would gain the following it has?

RVCB: Nope. Like I said, I wanted to hate straight White men with impunity. That and plot to murder them and cut off their dicks.

N-P: (Silently thanks the almighty for being a queer POC) What do you credit for AM’s success?

RVCB: Killing the straight White men and cutting off their penises.

N-P: 100 posts, got any favorites or any that stick out for you?

RVCB: All the ones that are about killing straight White men and cutting off their dicks. Although I’m particularly fond of the ones that give nerd culture a serious beatdown. My internet husband Neo-Prodigy and that Pyrofennec person (see Requires Only That You Hate) were very good at that.

N-P: Fandom And It’s Hatred of Black Women. That post went viral. It’s one of my favorite pieces from you. Now there have been many posts that have tackled the same issues, yet yours seems to have resonated with so many people. Why do you think that is?

RVCB: Because everybody has something to say about Black women. Especially people who are not Black women.

I also threatened to kill all the straight White men and cut off their dicks.

N-P: And I’m not seeing a pattern here. What would you like to see more of on AM?

RVCB: More people contributing and commenting! And more killing straight White men and cutting off their dicks.

Although visitors remembering their home training would be nice too.

N-P: We now seem to have a regular stable of contributors: Javan, Triple J (Kazei5), Sparky, myself and of course you. It seems that everyone brings something unique and invaluable. Is that a fair assessment?

RVCB: Yes. In addition, every contributor must pass a rigorous test of strength, endurance, character, and loyalty. To get in, you have to kill a straight White man and cut off his dick. Triple J did that shit to himself, and I couldn’t NOT let him in for that. He keeps it as a trophy somewhere.

N-P: Yes he does. I have to say I was most impressed with Triple J for performing such a feat. That shit was straight gangsta. Switching gears for a moment, let’s discuss your love life and how it’s about to get me got. Evil Regals. It’s like I’ve been cast in Paris & The Three Goddesses only rather than being bribed, I’m being threatened.

I was informed by one Evil Queen that if I didn’t convince you that her majesty Regina, wasn’t the one you chose I’d find myself choking on a poison apple and having my heart ripped from my chest.

RVCB: I’m not calling you delusional, but you need to stop hanging with Henry.

N-P: HEY! Henry Mills is a visionary. Okay. And he was right all along. 

(Sees RVCBard blink 10 times and stare strangely at me)

Anyway, next your boo Anna explained that skinning mofos alive and breaking legs is a favorite pastime among her people, the V, and it would be in my best interest to convince you that Anna is your one true love.

RVCB: You gotta respect people’s culture, man.

N-P: Then there was Anne. Not Anna, Anne. Of course she goes by Selina Kyle these days. Do you know she what threatened? *shudders in terror* She threatened to dump a bucket of water over my head and ruin my luxurious process. THAT IS WHERE THE FUCKING LINE HAS BEEN CROSSED. Kill me with a poison apple, rip out my heart, that’s understandable. Skin me alive, hey I probably had it coming. BUT YOU DO NOT THREATEN THE ULTRA PERM THAT RESIDES IN THIS MANE. YOU……..JUST……DON’T!!!!!!!!!!!

RVCB: That’s your own damn fault. I tried to tell you that Anne would be the worst of the three if you pissed her off. What did you do to her?

N-P: I may have mocked her singing in Les Miserables. Luckily I have Paul Mitchell, Katt Williams, Al Sharpton and Doctor Miracle on speed-dial for emergency interventions like these, but RVCBard, I’m gonna need you to check your girl, Catwoman. Otherwise I’m gonna have to do it for you.

*tosses back mane*

RVCB: Now listen here, internet husband.

I love you. God knows I do.

But I’ll KILL YOU DEAD if you fuck with my ladies!

N-P: (Looks for the nearest exit in case of imminent danger). Okay, moving on, what is the allure of the Evil Regals?

RVCB: Because Evil Regals are some ride or die bitches! You fuck with Mama Regal, you fuck with alla us! And the Evil Regal Army is a guerilla army that will fuck your life up if you go after our Mama Regal!

N-P: What movies are you looking forward to this year?

RVCB: Lots. I’m looking forward to “Snow White and the Huntsman” and “Avengers.” And, naturally, “The Hobbit.”

Mostly so I can glare at all the straight White dudes in the audience and fantasize about killing them and cutting off their dicks.

N-P: TV Shows?

RVCB: Mainly “Once Upon A Time”

N-P: So Tulpa has become a reality and it made it to the theater stage in New York. It’s journey to the stage is well, a story in itself. Looking back, what comes to mind?

RVCB: I wrote a blog post about that. You can find it here.

N-P: Any other plays on the horizon?

RVCB: Yes and no. That epic shit I was gonna do. That’s on hold until I finish Stephen King’s “Dark Tower” series. I’m also “working” on a short piece I’m calling, “The Secret Life of the Black Best Friend” (working title).

N-P: Now one of the awesome things about AM is that it has boosted the signal on many marginalized projects: Tulpa, Hollowstone, Middle Child Press, the Arkh Project, among many others. What are your thoughts on AM becoming known for being a signal booster?

RVCB: I’m cool with it. But all projects that get signal boosts must provide proof that they killed a straight White dude and cut off his dick.

N-P: So where would you like to see AM head next?

RVCB: More dead White dudes with their dicks cut off. Oh, and a bigger signal on more popular blogs and websites. And fewer people with no fucking home training.

N-P: What are your plans for AM going forward?

RVCB: Keep on keeping on. I want Ars Marginal to be a space where we can talk real shit like this without a bunch of bullshit we gotta put up with everywhere else. We ain’t gotta do that academic bullshit where we trying to impress mofos. We’re just giving our real reactions to shit we catch even in our “escape” in arts and entertainment. It’s our chance to say, “Man this is fucked up,” or, “Man, we need to see more of this.”

N-P: Any final thoughts?

RVCB: I don’t do final thoughts. I just stop talking.

Disclaimer: The opinions expressed here by some of the contributors are the opinions of the contributors and may not reflect the opinions of Ars Marginal. Ars Marginal does not condone or advocate violence of any sort, most notably the cutting off of the penises of heterosexual caucasian males. And if any of you take any of this seriously, you are a fucking idiot.

And with that EVIL REGALS, REPRESENT: